Let me be real honest with you.
No part of me wanted to lead worship this past Sunday.
Not one ounce.
My grandmother passed away suddenly Saturday morning, and I was there.
Kate was there…
This picture was taken the day after Kate was born. Just look at Grandma’s face. Pure JOY! Kate made grandma soooo happy. And she was able to see her Saturday morning. Definitely a God thing.
So, when I got to the hospital and heard for sure, I’m not gonna lie, I had already made up my mind that I wasn’t going to lead worship the next day. I had actually already thought about it before that day because my sister was getting married that evening. Now, with this happening…It would just be too much.
But, in the midst of that morning…something amazing happened. It rocked me to my core.
A pastor came to the hospital to pray with our family.
He shared some scripture:
Psalm 23:
“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Then he prayed: ”Lord I ask that you be with this family during this troubling time…”
For some reason, during that prayer, I looked up.
I looked to see what the rest of my family was doing. Were they crying? Were they mad? Were they hugging each other? What were we gonna do?
The first place I looked was at my grandpa. Who had just lost the love of his life for 60 years. 60 YEARS! And you know what he was doing??
He was raising his hands.
Right there, in that chapel.
In the hospital, moments after his wife passed away.
HE WAS WORSHIPPING!
Are you kidding me? In that moment, I knew that if he could worship, there was no way that I wasn’t going to be doing what God called me to do this the next day. No. Possible. Way. If I was breathing, I was going to church.
Want to know something else? At the very end of practice Thursday we decided to add a different song to our list. it’s called “Beautiful”. The song couldn’t have fit better for Sunday.
“When we arrive at eternity’s shore, where death is just a memory and tears are no more, we’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring, your bride will come together and we’ll sing, You’re beautiful…”
So I got up Sunday morning, went to church, and I attempted to lead worship.
It was the hardest thing I think I’ve ever done…
Jay there are no words for this, there is just praise and thankfulness to God for people like Mr. and Mrs. Holderfield who so faithfully love and serve God and raise their children up to do the same-from Joe and Mary Alice, to Jeff and Patti, and now to you and Suzanne with little Kate. From generation to generation. I cannot tell you the emotions that were sweeping over me Sunday as I watched you and thought about and prayed for you and your family. I cannot imagine the roller-coaster you all have been on but I want to thank you for the example of the true JOY in Christ that can sustain us even in the midst of complete sorrow. Hold firm to that and rest in it. Let His light continue to shine through you. What a testimony! I can see your Grandpa right now…WOW….
Thank you Brenda. Last weekend was definitely a roller-coaster of emotions. Thank you for the kind words, the thoughts, and all the prayers. And thank you for being a rock in your faith. You are an inspiration to me and so many others how you faithfully serve the church, and I thank you for that! See you Sunday!
Brought tears to my eyes.
I Love You Son……
We love you all Jay!
We love all you too!
With God, there is JOY even in sorrow…thanks for sharing.
Yes there is. Even when we can’t see it right off. Thanks for reading!
Pingback: It was a rose. | jayholderfield·